February 24, 2024 would have been our 28th wedding anniversary. I loved being married and I honored that day as a special one, celebrating the sanctity of marriage and our commitment to a future together. That wasn’t meant to be. During the past few years I decided to reinvent certain important dates, such as anniversaries and holidays and create new memories.
February 24, 2021
It was our 25th anniversary – 25 years! That’s exceptional! Except that three weeks earlier, I found out that Peter was involved elsewhere and was giving up on marriage. So, rather than throwing a big party to celebrate 25 years, we were tiptoeing into marriage counseling and I was wondering if we could survive the breakdowns in our marriage. But I wasn’t giving up. He is a great guy and I was going to see if we could salvage our marriage. I was optimistic.
I decided to throw a intimate surprise party with some close friends of ours. I wanted to make our marriage work. I wanted to bring fun back in our marriage. I wanted to gather our close friends to help us celebrate. I wanted to rekindle the love and commitment we had 25 years ago.
Peter and I both love being on the water so I booked a Duffy boat in Long Beach, rounded up our mutual best buddies, ordered appetizers and drinks and told Peter, “we’re going out – bring a warm jacket.”
We showed up at the Marina – Peter was really surprised and seemed delighted – and we had an amazing evening roaming around the marina, sharing camaraderie and good food and drink.
But unfortunately, my attempts didn’t work – there were more attempts throughout the year that also didn’t work – and it was time to let go of February 24th as a special date and create new memories to replace our wedding anniversary.
February 24, 2022:
Party at Rock N Brews. It was the first official “Life Post Peter” anniversary. I gathered a bunch of my favorite women and took over a table at Rock N Brews and enjoyed girl time and welcomed their love and concern. The best part of the night: I got that my friends are there for me – when I’m grieving, stressed, and ready to admit I need a friend, they jump up, wave their hands and say, “hey, you, we’re right there with you!” How lucky am I?
February 24, 2023:
We went back to Rock N Brews. Note: It was the Redondo location. I found out that Peter took his girlfriend to the El Segundo location when she returned to Southern California and was added back to his social calendar. I can’t go there. I used to go there. Even said hello to Gene Simmons there. Nice guy. But I can’t go there any more. The Redondo location is great.
Side note – I don’t do a good job managing photos of events. I know I saw some from friends but can’t find them. But I am working on that! Anyone have photos of those dates? Send them!
February 24, 2024:
It’s Galentine’s weekend! One of my favorite people, and the matron of honor at my wedding 28 years ago has been there for me any time I needed her. Fortunately, I wasn’t too needy for most of our friendship, but she listened and coached me when I was needing advice. I remember going on a walk with her shortly after the crisis in my marriage – she listened, put up with my many tears (and my dog) and gave me encouragement and good advice – who better to spend an Un-anniversary weekend with? So let’s reinvent February 24th!
Joyce drove up from North San Diego county on Friday and we packed the weekend with all of our favorites things: Walks with my pups, jigsaw puzzles, food, long conversations, quiet time reading our books, and a visit to the beautiful Long Beach Aquarium.
Long Beach Aquarium
If you have not been to the LB Aquarium, it’s worth a visit. Although we were overwhelmed by flocks of little kids running around and shrieking and realizing we don’t have a lot of patience any more we loved the exhibits and the commitment to marine life and rehabilitation of coral reefs. The exhibits are great – check out some of the spots we explored.
I loved the exhibits – shorebirds, otters, sea lions, turtles, and beautiful fish, sharks, eels and other marine critters – Joyce and I got to touch the moon jelly fish. I remember getting stung by jelly fish as a kid off our Redondo Beach coast – these guys were friendlier.
What’s next?
During the past few years I have been reinventing a lot of traditions, especially holidays. Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, 4th of July…nothing is the same. The first year was overwhelming, and I hid out and didn’t want to do anything or go anywhere. Fortunately, friends reached out and included me in their celebrations as much as I was willing. I have learned that the door to the previous chapter of my life is firmly closed and finally locked….and it’s okay. I’m having fun creating my new future. It’s not as scary or sad as I had feared. I continue to be grateful for those in my life who cheer me on and provide wisdom on the days when I flounder.
During a marriage counseling session I shared that a blank canvas is rather exciting – what does one’s future look like? Whether it’s journeying with a partner or going solo, that big blank audacious canvas might just be beautiful and the future that you want. What can we create? I’m embracing the adventure. Let’s throw that paint on the canvas and invent a new future.
Musings About Life 