And yet more dating (or not) adventures

I used to think I understood guys.  I have a brother.  I have several male friends, one of whom is one of my best friends.  Most of my jobs were male dominated and I liked the guys.  They weren’t complex.  They said what they thought, and yes, when I would walk into one of the common rooms and saw them in the middle of a rubber band fight (these were adult engineers letting off steam), I thought, how fun!  And in the days before #Metoo, I was okay with the occasional racy joke.  I would laugh at it.

Although I would never permit anyone to do anything that was inappropriate, I was okay with the bawdy jokes and the candor.  They can be funny.  I currently am one of only a few women in my department at work.  That’s fine.

But I get I really don’t know what guys want from women in relationships.  I’m still floundering around the dating world and am starting to think I am done. 

Case in point.  A while back I went out for dinner with someone who was a referral from a friend.  I like the referrals!  I get some here and there.  Easier than the Match or Ourtime or other impersonal dating sites.  Referrals are safe and you think, okay, these are good people. 

I liked him.  Now, I am the type of person who would like to get to know people, maybe become friends, spend some time chatting about our beliefs, experiences, hobbies, and passions.  Maybe it will turn into a relationship.  Maybe not.  But let’s get to know each other.   Go out for dinner, a movie, a play.  Play board games.  Meet friends.  See how you are together.  Give it a chance.  At the least, become a friend.

I have found that guys strike you off after one or maybe two dates.   It’s puzzling.   I get the “Chemistry” conversation.  I understand it.  But it’s hard to have guys blow you off with dumb excuses.   And it’s not like the men are a 10 on the chemistry dating scale either.  I mean, they are looking like my dad!  This has been a bit creepy… I am dating men who look like my dad!  I’m that old. (Although I will say I was delighted when my trainer thought I was in my early 40’s.  I will go with that.)

Or they lost everything in their first or second divorce and are in an apartment.   Not that I judge them on that.  But they are judging me harshly.

Back to my last date.  His excuses for telling me he’s not interested:

1.  I still work.  Okay, I get that – he’s retired.  But I love my job, I make a good salary, have fabulous benefits, and tons of vacation time and since I retired from my second business as a cabi stylist I have lots of free time.  So, what’s your point, guy?  I might retire soon, but I thought I’d at least wait for Medicare.  I am working because…I like it.
2. I need to be in another relationship first after my divorce so I can go through it.  This puzzled me.  My interpretation is that he wants to be with someone who failed at a post marriage relationship and then he will date her…???  What?   I am in relationships for the long haul.  I’m not looking for a rebound booty call.   I had a 25-year marriage and loved it.  He’s been through two divorces and according to him several more relationships…maybe he’s the common denominator for him still being single.  I’m not sure.  I just couldn’t understand why he thought it was important that I had to date and fail before I was ready to go out with him.  Odd.  He told me he wanted to stop it early.  I agree. 

When  we went out and I told him I have a blog, he said, you aren’t going to put me in your blog are you?  I said no, because I liked him.  But after he shared very confusing messages I think it’s fair game. I’m still mulling over the whole dating aspect and have been chatting with friends.  What I get is that I am truly amazing and having fun and if a good guy shows up in my life I would love to know him.  But I’m done with the BS.