Divorce

When my world fell apart…

Disclaimer: When I decided I wanted to write a blog and share some of the more painful moments of my marriage’s dissolution, I reached out to Peter and said, “I want to write, I want to share, but I don’t want to throw you under the bus.” He replied, “You need to write. You are a brilliant writer.  Say what you need to say and I support that.” Peter, thank you. I still love the man I know him to be and during this sometimes rough journey of mine, I respect the journey he has been going through as well. I wish him only the best.

January 15, 2021

The day my world shattered started out like any other typical Friday.  

I work for SiriusXM Radio – I have worked from my home office for 15 years and Fridays tend to be rather quiet.  The East coast office was winding down and I was tidying up a few projects and then the mail came.  There was a letter to my husband from SiriusXM saying his three-month free subscription in his Subaru Outback was about to expire and would he like to renew it?   ???

I am sure many of you have cars with SXM available to activate, and you have seen that same letter.  What puzzled me is that my husband didn’t have a Subaru Outback.  He drives a Toyota Sequoia.  My first thought (apologies to my company!) was that our customer care department screwed up and had a bad database.  Why would he get a letter about a Subaru!?   I was about to contact my boss to discuss this when hubby came home.  I shared the letter with him and told him I was going to call my boss to fix this.  Hubby got squirrelly.  He tried to grab the letter from me.  I said, “No, I need to fix this.  If our work’s database is this messed up, I need to figure out what’s up.” 

Well…after some wrestling over the letter and some prevarication on his part, he finally admitted he had co-signed on a car loan.   We had married in our early 30s and kept our finances separate.  I was gobsmacked.  He is co-signing on a loan? Without discussing it with me? I paid all of the household expenses.  He took care of his business expenses. And who is he signing for?  He finally admitted it was for Erin (Aaron?).  I asked if Erin was a man or a woman.  He said “woman.’  I asked if he was having an affair with her.  He said, “Yes.” Wow.  Great way to start a weekend.  And end my marriage.

After 25 years of marriage I learned my husband didn’t like being married and decided to stray with a needy 38-year-old blonde personal trainer.  She was broke and needed a hero.  He wanted to be needed.  He had that “Pretty Woman” fantasy of rescuing the beautiful yet challenged woman.  I made the mistake of not being needy – I thought I was a partner to an amazing man.  I thought we were equal partners.  I thought he knew I adored him.  I was mistaken.  And he forgot to talk to me about being unhappy.   Competing with a needy blonde personal trainer when one is approaching sixty and not a size 6 is daunting. 

I will share some of my insights and a-ha moments in upcoming posts. It has been a rocky few years but the personal growth has been eye-opening and worth the heartache.