Dating

I have tiptoed onto a couple of dating sites in the past year…once I got that he was not committed to our marriage and I filed for divorce in February, I thought, heck, I loved marriage and partnership. I would love to meet a guy with similar interests and values and integrity. I am pretty awesome and literate and compassionate and fun. I don’t want to spend the future alone if I have options.

OMG. I think I might start a blog or write a book about the journey. It’s hysterical. In a creepy way. I don’t know how the algorithms work but so far I have dealt with:

A stalker who thought we were in a relationship after two texts. He texted me daily while I was in Scotland telling me to “take care for us” and to let him know I was safe. I finally scared him off when I said I am reconciling with my husband, Vinny Muscles.

A heavily tattooed gang banger who had nothing in common with me. Glaring into the camera in his profile picture is not enrolling. He messaged me saying, “hello like like get drink.” I was tempted to reply “no no you illiterate” but wasn’t sure if he could manage multi-syllabic words. So I ignored him. He followed up with “hello hunn.” I blocked him.

Several people who were kicked off the sites for fraud. I will state that I will not be cat-fished and show up on Dr. Phil as a middle-aged lonely woman who gave away a million dollars and lost her house because her sexy 30 year old boyfriend whom she never met but loves and will marry once he gets 10k to get his visa, escape from prison or Nigeria, find his phone, make up story here. He’s from Ohio but speaks English as a second language.

And there are several guys who connected and seem nice but they are in Fresno or Lake County or Moreno Valley. Or NY. Driving hours or flying across the country for a date? Nope.

And the guy who I think never grew up and his profile is him in front of the castle at Disneyland. All about Disney. During a chat he asked where was the furthest I have traveled. When I mentioned Japan as one of the places, he got excited and asked if I went to Tokyo Disney. Umm. No. On a business trip… (Additionally, he is not the best of spellers or grammarians, and when one wants to pull out a red pen and correct and send back every text from a possible beau, that might not be the start of a good relationship.)

The 70-year skinny guy who took a blurry selfie of himself with his shirt off…’nuff said.

Oh, and I think I was ghosted! How fun is that!? Too bad – I actually liked that one.

I think it might be a fun journey, but as someone who reads lots of murder mysteries and adores shows like SVU, Criminal Minds, and Death in Paradise, I might need wingmen or wingwomen to watch as I go out for coffee with Mr. Nice to ensure I don’t end up dismembered in the gutter in front of the local Starbucks.

Thanks for listening. It’s going to be an interesting journey. I am making it fun.